Disagreements and Conflicts

This week has really been a big conflict. I have said in several portions of this weeks' assignments that this was the right time for me to have this class. I learned from this week to take a look at the other person actually having a perspective and a different view. I learned that I needed to take a look at the fact that this new teacher that I am dealing with may not necessarily be crazy, but just different. I also learned that if I respect, reciprocate, and respond that things worked out much better. I am so glad this assignment came when it did. It helped improve the meeting that I called to straighten some things out with this teacher. I left the meeting feeling much better than when we came in because our issues were communicated much more positively than if I had gone in without having read these resources. The three R's were a large part of our conflict being resolved. I really needed to see them.

Communication Surveys

The thing that surprised me most about others perceptions of my communication was the fact that the two people that evaluated me felt like I was comfortable and relaxed. I find myself feeling nervous when speaking among groups. I don't mean that I feel really, really scared or nervous but I don't feel cool as a cucumber either. (SMILE) It surprised me that they felt that I was comfortable when speaking with them. I guess two things that I have learned were to focus more on being relaxed and present for the conversation instead of trying to be so perfect and solve every problem. The other thing I learned is that sometimes you need to take a moment and check with associates and colleagues and let them tell you how you are doing. The way you feel may be one way and the way they feel could be another. I was more afraid that my colleagues may have evaluated me at a worse perception than I did myself. Actually it came out that I was doing better than I thought! So I think learning to accept others criticism of your communication skills is very important.

3 Strategies for Effective Communication

1. I will remember that individuals in a certain group are just that-individual. That each person has their own being in that group. I will remember not to assume that they all are the same.

2. I will continue to learn as much as I can about all groups or cultures of people. I will try to broaden my knowledge on a regular basis. Broadening my knowledge will include reading, studying and researching other ethnicities and cultures, beginning with those I work directly with first.

3. Lastly, but to me most importantly I will and already do use the "Platinum Rule."
I try to treat others that I communicate with the way I would want to be treated if I was in their situation. I remind myself often when working with my families that I could very easily be thrust into their situation. I want to communicate with them on a level they understand and a level that doesn't demean them. I will work on improving my use of the "Platinum Rule."

TV Show Experience

I chose to record the show "Haters." This was the first time I watched the show and I actually hadn't even heard of it before. When looking at it with no sound I saw Snooky from Jersey Shore on there. I thought she was going on a date with this guy and it looked like she was saying nice things to him because she didn't make any frowns or scrunced up faces or anything. After looking at it with sound I found out she was saying some ugly things to him. She wasn't there to go out with him either. She was there because the guy was telling everyone she was a drunk and she was crazy and she wanted him to get to know her better. I also noticed when I watched it with sound that the sound effects they were playing emphasized the point the characters were making. I learned that I would like to be able to have that face that snooky had when she was talking. It wasn't a face that went either way. I want to be able to remain neutral when communicating so that people won't feel like I am judging or choosing sides. An aha moment I had was when watching one of the characters on the show who was the mother of the guy. I noticed that I do raise my eyebrows and make faces when someone is trying to hold a conversation with me if I question what they are telling me. I also wrinkle my nose when someone is asking me to do something that I don't really want to do. They don't even have to ask me anything because my body language is saying it all. Watching the mother reminded me of myself when I talk to people.

Competent Communication

If I think about a person who demonstrates competent communication it would have to be my pastor. I see him in group settings and sometimes individually one on one and he is always the same. He listens as people are speaking, he doesn't interupt and when its time to respond he speaks slowly and carefully. I have seen him remain completely neutral during meetings. This has even made me wonder which side is he on? He is excellent communicating even with my two children ages 11 and 5. I like the fact that he listens first and foremost. That is one behavior he exhibits that makes him effective. The second thing he does is maintain constant eye contact. This is important to me when I am talking to someone because even if they are not paying attention, it makes me think they are. The third thing I like is he is a mediator. You can't ever seem to see him take any one side. This is an important behavior in communication because you want someone to be able to hear all sides of an issue and discuss the information without forcing their opinion down your throat. I especially would like to model these behaviors after him. I think of people that I have come across in my lifetime that were pushy and when you hold a conversation with them it was their way or no way, and people talk about them. It was in a negative way that people were talking about them. I don't want to be talked about in that way and sure wouldn't want my parents and families that I serve feel like I was that way. I want to be able to help support and encourage my families in their own beliefs and way of thinking not conform them to my world!

Professional Hopes and Goals

One hope that I have when I think about working with children and families who come fromw diverse backgrounds is that I make them feel comfortable. I don't ever want them to feel that I don;t like them or care about them because of their ethnicity, race, etc.

The goal I would like to set for the early childhood field is to be able to have enough respect, and consideration for a person's diversity to stand up for them even if I am the only one.

Thanks to all my colleagues who have shared their personal thoughts, experiences, trials, and stories as I have benefited so much from their real life instances. It truly has been wonderful and life changing taking this course. May you continue to better our profession by being so willing to share such personal and heartfelt experiences.

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Opression

The memory I have of an incident when I experienced prejudice was when my youngest brother was dating a white girl from a nearby area. We are Native American and his parents weren't going for her dating anyone other than white. I remember her parents coming to our house and telling her that she had to leave. They told her that she wasn't dating any "so called Indians" They were very rude and it hurt my feelings. I was justa little girl maybe about 10 or 11 years old and I felt like we were dirt. I felt like we weren't really Native American! I doubted who I was. My parents werent home and my brother was about 20 or 21 years old at the time. He didn't argue with them because my parents taught us to be respectful of older adults. I cried and he told me don't worry it would be ok. He said they will never come back and we will be ok. My parents were angry that they treated us like that but they let it go. They didn't want to stir anything up. I still feel that feeling as I talk about it. It definitely had a lasting effect.
This prejudice made me doubt who I was. It diminished equity because it made me wonder if I was truly a Native American. It made me think that I wouldn't really be a Native American if they said I wasn't. I was just a child so I didn't know they couldn't take that away from me.
This incident brought feelings of self-doubt, fear, and was demeaning. Just talking of it again and thinking back to that day has really made me feel funny inside. I never want to make anyone feel like that or scar them for life as this incident has done me.
In order for this incident to change for greater equity, people would have to stand up and recognize Natives for who we are. These people who treated us so badly need to realize that all people are equal and no one should be subject to demeaning remarks. Those people should realize that we are human too. It didn't make us any less of human being because we are Native and as long as my brother wasn't mistreating her they should have left them alone. Their remarks to us and their tone of voice used with us would have to change.